Intent

At the start of the year I came across quite a few people posting their “word of the year”.   I hadn’t really seen or noticed people doing it before.  A new spin on new years’ resolutions; a word by which people would guide their lives for the year.   I initially felt it a little pretentious or shallow for some reason.  However I like the idea of single words and phrases to reflect and guide us, so it captured my interest. 

For a few weeks I came across people sharing their word and either a backstory or rationale about it.  Words such as persistence, growth, adventure, joy, challenges and dream.   As I invest a lot of time and energy into understanding and measuring my intrinsic values I initially dismissed it for me personally as it seemed to double up and distract.  But something stuck and 6 months later there is a word that has come into focus;  a word that I think plays such an active role in how I go through the day and evaluate both people and events.  I think it may last more than a year though 🙂

Intent – It popped up pretty early in the year but I continued to test it and explore it.  Initially it was outwardly focused.  That at the end of the day all I can manage is my intent and if I can reflect back that while things may go well or badly, if my intent was sound then I can be happy.  In this light it almost became another intrinsic value for me.  But I also saw intent popping up in conversations and in so many grey areas of life.  Intent transformed into a question that poked and prodded at most of my days and still does.

Some of the clearest and relatable examples I can think of go back many many years from both personal and professional contexts – policy creation to management to social. Questions that seem to pop up from time to time around appropriate relationships, dating, harassment or general boundaries between genders and orientations.

• Why is it ok for that person to hug/joke/touch but not this other person?
• Why is that person able to make inappropriate jokes but it’s not ok for this person?
• Why can that person stir you or challenge you but this person is not allowed?

The answers are the most diverse and confusing as any I ask.  There is a real struggle to articulate what sits behind comfort and safety.  Some people define it in the relationship, the length and trust built.  Some define it in some instinct and comfort they naturally feel with some but not others.   Some define it in their perception of intent.  So what is the answer?  It is subjective based on your experiences and mindset.  There is no rule.

So now intent had popped up in not just in how I conducted myself but also in how I (we) evaluate others.  And this opened up quite a rabbit hole.  One dynamic is now how our evaluation of others’ intent actually challenges our values.   For example; I can be kind to a real asshole, and I can be kind to someone having a bad day and acting out survival patterns.  Same person but completely different mindsets on my part.

And perhaps the most difficult dynamic – Intent is also about self-awareness and honesty.  When reflecting on our own intent I think it is very easy to create a story of good intention and blaming others.  This makes intent a very slippery concept, and I have found I needed to keep revisiting patterns to unpick the good intent story I told myself and address old wounds or behaviours. And this perhaps becomes the most interesting question unique to each of us – what mindsets / filters / perceptions / assumptions are we defaulting to for reasons that no longer serve us.

• Was my intent sound?
• Am I assuming good intention from others (the best they can do)?
• Am I being honest about my own intent or am I attached/protecting something?

Warmest

Jason