As I start another new chapter in life it got me reflecting again on where I have been and the people I have met along the way. My personal perspectives and an openness that I think has been core to my journey. I want to share perspectives I have refined and do my best to both hold to and grow. I also wanted to acknowledge all the people questioning themselves about expecting too much, or trying to hold on to what doesn’t serve them – there are great people and great places out there waiting for you 🙂
I have had the good fortune to work for and with some of the most amazing people in some amazing organisations. And I have worked with some pretty bad ones too. Organisationally there are clear culture differences and I think there is a solid link to individual attitudes and behaviours.
In the best places, at a broad level there is an openness to learn and to help each other. This can be alongside healthy competition and balance between group and individual achievement. People are drawn in to help out, to learn, to grow and contribute. They are encouraged to think, explore, bring new things. And for me underneath this is a perspective that everyone has something to offer, and a belief that the outcome of collaboration for both the team and the individuals is more rewarding and valuable.
There is no fear of being criticised or seen as less – as ideas are shared and learning happens. Quite the opposite in fact, great places are where people are encouraged to take risks, think outside the box and fail. Great places understand that fear means stress and stress shuts down learning, communication, creativity and collaboration. Or at least there is an awareness of what closed and protective behaviour is and that it isn’t great.
The best cultures create an environment where it is safe to fail and everyone learns and sticks together. It is a key to growth and change. However individuals will struggle to hold this perspective if the culture (our leaders) aren’t living it.
While I was working in community services I had a colleague ask me why I took a role in that industry. Before I could answer they quickly added “I hope it isn’t for some sense of meaning”. It was a theme that followed in many conversations; a confusion about why, lots of doubts about my agenda, and a fair amount of opinion and judgements without much understanding of who I was. It said a lot about the organisation and/or profession – a base view that it would be crazy, or not achievable to work primarily for a sense of purpose/meaning in life.
I don’t think it was conscious a lot of the time, the more I learnt and experienced the industry and the organisations in it, I landed back at culture as the source. And something I have seen before, when they aren’t healthy, they drive very political, fear-led and self-protective behaviours and pack mentality. However, as I said, I think in the end, regardless of a culture, we are our own people and in full control of our attitudes and behaviours – how we perceive and interact with others. And people more interested in criticizing, undermining or even just being inactive are not worth your time or energy. These days I move on from places like that because a) I feel stressed and unsafe in them, and b) over time as much as I try not to, I start to lose myself and who I want to be in them. It impacts all aspects of my life.
I think it takes a strong person to stay open, vulnerable and invested in people who do you harm deliberately or through decided ignorance.
So as I reflected I realised the diversity in my experiences. And that they have sharpened my awareness about the people I want in my life, both in and out of work. And firmed up my own values and sense of worth.
- I want to learn from others and I need the people around me to also want that for themselves.
- To learn is to make mistakes and I seek to own mine, I need others to as well.
- I try to stay open to the experiences and views of others and assume they are as important and valid as my own are to me. Often this takes real effort to find my own assumptions and filters, remove them and see new perspectives.
- That the different experiences, knowledge and skills of others are things I can learn from – I always ask myself ‘what can I learn from this person or situation (or even about myself and how I show up)’.
- I want to see others succeed and be happy, and I seek people wanting that for me.
- Sometimes it’s just about support – not about thoughts or opinions, sometimes its just support that people need to take their own journey and learn.
- My strongest and most valuable relationships have been with people who I can tell see value in me. So I try to be the person seeking value in others.
- That conflict is ok and normal, but that it can and should be done with care and consideration. I seek to own my communication and how that lands with others.
- To assume the best as a starting point and be inquisitive without assumptions if something doesn’t add up.
- I try to keep in mind that I get things wrong and more often than I even realise – instead of judging, I try to acknowledge (even if just to myself) someone shared something or gave something a go. Being ok to be wrong at any time also requires I fully listen to understand.
- I do my best to stay humble and open to others so that I can hopefully encourage a non-threatening environment for people to share and also grow.
- I know, even if it takes me some iterations, that I have lots to offer the right people and places.
Finally, while this started from a work-based thread in my mind, for me I also noticed that these apply throughout all relationships in different ways and levels. Life is short and there are people out there big enough to share a lot if not all the above. I know some and I plan on meeting more!!
Jason Waddell 