If I haven’t said it clearly before – I often feel that our fast paced world has led to a lot of disconnection from self and filled our heads with a lot of ‘should’ and ‘should nots’. I think we have become sufficiently disconnected that many of us are no longer able to even imagine what our best state looks and feels like. Our new normal is stressed and rushed. And I think it is getting harder now to find the right information. Access to any and every opinion has become so easy that on a daily basis I see someone wrapping up complex concepts and issues into digestible media bites.
And so I wanted to reflect again from a slightly new angle after observing myself and some outcomes over the past week in particular. Reflect about what being at my best feels like for me and how I try to work at staying there. This keeps popping up for me because I am still working on it, and lately again I found myself at the wrong end of the best-self spectrum 🙂 – in important conversations somewhat tired and without the clarity of mind I know is there.
My best self isn’t another coffee, an ‘all nighter to break the back of it’, ‘I’m exhausted, but just one last task’. It isn’t ignoring negative influencers and environments. It isn’t persisting with people and situations in hope things will improve. It isn’t me ignoring all the queues and things I have learnt about myself because ‘I am sure it will be fine, I’ve pushed through before’.
I think to be at our best is actually quite deliberate, disciplined and focused task. And it may sound contradictory to say, that for me, it actually takes space, downtime and reflection to achieve it. If a bit of grit and push is required to get through something, then I try to do with very honest awareness of:
- why I’m doing it?
- what I currently have in the tank? and
- what this is going to take from me to do?
The first question is broad but helps me learn long term about who I am and my patterns, and in the short-term it helps me decide to do something different than my default. e.g. I like to achieve from fear of failure/criticism – so am I about to keep pushing myself for that? The why question also prompts me to ask why I might choose not to do something. Again more long-term learning about who I am, and immediate input into decision-making e.g. Am I avoiding conflict? Where does that get me?
What I have in the tank and what is it going to cost me to keep doing what I am doing are part of awareness of mind, body and heart. I can only really understand and answer this if I also understand what good looks like, what bad looks like, and what are the signs along the way. Re-iterating my opening paragraph – I think we are generally disconnected from our minds and bodies (please read Gabor Mate – The Myth of Normal). I personally never truly saw or understood feelings and impacts of things like anxiety, stress, calm and clarity of mind without pushing myself to find new levels of awareness and connection. So I suggest to you with confidence that you may also not be aware of what your truly regulated, healthy and safe minds, bodies and hearts looks like – Even though you may think you do.
When I am in balance and my best self, I feel relaxed throughout my thoughts, emotions and body. There is a peace and non-urgency about things. No stress or anxiety about what will or won’t happen. I am able to bring into focus what is important for me and where I am heading, able to balance competing needs and asks without much trouble. An inner confidence about life’s direction is more present as well as confidence around decisions that are best for me arise. Ego disappears and an openness to everyone and their experience, style, and decisions exists as I move through the day. Tolerance of unexpected or negative experience is literally ‘oh well’ rather than a thought process to try to arrive at. I sleep well, I feel energetic and explore interests and passions. My words are clear and concepts easily conveyed – explaining myself and ideas just flow. More than better tolerance, calm and acceptance, I find I see beauty and appreciation for more of what’s around me. My mind more commonly shifts to thinking of others and their experience – I check-in more and find myself able to be present without overload.
Challenge your thinking about where you are at. Consider for a moment that perhaps there is more balance, calm, tolerance, kindness, peace and clarity available. That there is a space you can exist where the right things happen at the right time and you don’t need to feel rushed, stressed or anxious about it.
When you are ready and at your speed. Explore grounding and relaxation. Get serious about sleep, diet and exercise as if they were as important as breathing. Develop a check-in process based around passions, values and vision. Read about mind-body and how stress and trauma impact. And finally, spend time reflecting and finding people and spaces exploring these topics too. There are many online conferences and resources out there!
Enjoy the journey – keep learning 🙂
Jason
Jason Waddell 